Forgiveness

Intro, Purpose, Plan

How often should we forgive? How much forgiveness do we need? What does it mean to forgive from the heart?

Let’s explore the difficulty and necessity of compassion and mercy, forgiveness from the heart.

We will look at Matthew 18:21-35 and what Jesus taught about forgiveness.

Matthew 18:21 Is Forgiveness Limited

How often must we forgive people? Are we expected to be gullible victims? Jesus taught about forgiveness, but how often must we be abused and bruised by others and still forgive? That is essentially Peter's question in Matthew 18:21, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Ancient Jewish teaching could have suggested with forgiveness, 3 strikes and you're out. So, Peter's suggestion of 7 times, may have seemed quite generous to him. A question in response to Peter might be, how often ought we imitate God's forgiveness? If the answer is only 7 times, then we are all in trouble.

Matthew 18:22 Forgiveness without Count

What’s Jesus’ answer to how often we must forgive? In Matthew 18:22 Peter was given an answer. “Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Forgiveness often accompanies deep personal pain, but we can’t change the past. It’s a choice, despite pain and despite lack of trust. Holding grudges hurts us deep in our souls. Forgiving blesses us forever. Jesus' answer, 70x7, means hyperbolically don’t keep count of how many times we forgive. If we track the number of times we gave someone forgiveness, then perhaps we have not really forgiven at all. True forgiveness sets no limits.

Matthew 18:23-34 The Unforgiving Servant

What does the parable of the unforgiving servant teach us? A king’s servant borrowed a huge fortune (Matthew 18:23-34) and lost it all placing his whole family in slavery to debt. He asked for debt forgiveness. The king had compassion and forgave the astronomical debt. That servant then violently confronted a fellow servant, who owed him a very small amount, and had him thrown into prison. The king was angry at this lack of compassion. The king jailed his unforgiving servant and let him be tortured. This parable informs us how important compassion and mercy are to God. He demands that we, the forgiven, must also compassionately and mercifully forgive.

Matthew 18:35 The Gift of Forgiveness

What if we refuse to forgive? God doesn’t give us that option. In Matthew 18:35 Jesus says, “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” Peter wanted a mathematical count for forgiveness, like seven times and then no more forgiveness. With hyperbolic language, 70x7, Jesus taught that compassion and mercy must last a long, long time from the heart. There is no room for lack of mercy. We confess our sins, remembering the great debt we owe God, and forgive those who trespass against us. Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.

Forgiving Churches are Healing Places

Are some people loners because they are deeply hurt and haven’t learned forgiveness? A healthy local church is the ideal place to heal and learn to love. Forgiveness does not mean trust. It is foolish to trust any human being, even ourselves (Psalms 118:8; Micah 7:5; Jeremiah 17:5; Psalms 118:9; Psalms 118:8-9). We must learn to trust the only One who is completely trustworthy, God. What we need to learn in church life is forgiveness. How wonderful it is when we are among a group of Christians where there is forgiveness. Human trustworthiness is an unrealistic expectation. Alone we don’t learn forgiveness. Forgiving churches are wonderful.

The Rare Gift of Forgiveness

What is a rare gift that we give others and ourselves? It’s the gift of forgiveness. It is hard to find this gift. Most people hold unhealthy grudges and refuse to let them go. We preserve resentment like a precious treasure. It’s not a treasure. It’s a stinking carcass that we safeguard and bow down to and kiss as we remember the past. It’s our egos and hurt feelings, and we refuse to let go of them. Instead of forgiving and getting over it, we imprison ourselves in bitterness and inward anger. Jesus said to forgive from the heart, because only by doing so will our hearts experience freedom and healing.

The Christian Difference

Why is Christianity different to any other religion? We don’t need endless reincarnations, never attaining sinless perfection, working to reach nirvana. We believe in forgiveness, not to avoid forgiveness or to kill and terrorize. Christian history repeatedly fails this ideal, but no other religion offers a free pardon for our sins. We don’t earn our way into God’s favor. Forgiveness is completely undeserved, given to those who ask and are learning to forgive. We are not Christians because we are perfect like Christ. We are Christians because we participate in God’s kingdom of forgiveness and we are learning to be like Jesus and forgiving from the heart because we are forgiven.

Outro

How often should we forgive? There is no small number. How much forgiveness do we need? Let’s count our sins, confess them to God, be grateful for his forgiveness and forgive others. What does it mean to forgive from the heart? It means that we sincerely forgive. Compassion and mercy are not the values of so-called snowflakes or libtards, but of strong people who can forgive even the deepest hurts, because God forgave us.

Matthew 18:21-35; Psalms 118:8; Micah 7:5; Jeremiah 17:5; Psalms 118:9; Psalms 118:8-9

Great Personal Offenses

Prelude, Purpose, Plan

In every church in Christendom, we will eventually be confronted with some great personal offenses. How can we better deal with major conflict? Is conflict resolution always possible or even realistic? What can we do when our grievances are ignored? Why is conflict a part of life? Let’s look at Matthew 18:15-20 and learn some broad principles of working through great personal offenses.

The Setting of Matthew 18:15-20

Let’s remember that the setting in Matthew 18:15-20 is a time when the disciples were the Church. After the resurrection, the house church became the norm. Megachurches, such as the assembly on Pentecost, were and still are rare exceptions. So, taking most disputes to the whole church is not literally possible in larger assemblies, but the spirit of these instructions is applicable in many wonderful ways. Conflict will always be part of church life, as long as sin exists. Sometimes we can resolve things easily and sometimes we must separate for a time, like Barnabas and Paul (Acts 15:36-39) or the universal Church and our schisms through Christian history.

Matthew 18:15 Great Personal Offense

Literal

In Matthew 18:15 Jesus taught, “if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” The wording is softened in most English translations. The sense in the original language is much stronger, such as to “convict him of his fault.”1 Today we might say if you’ve got to berate someone, do so privately rather than castigate them in public. It’s the kind of thing we might try to do behind closed doors. It’s not talking about everyday personality conflicts. In those cases we bear with one another (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:2). In this case the offense is personal and major.

1 Ellicott's Commentary for English Readers

Spiritual

Most of the time we forbear one another’s weaknesses. It’s no use creating an argument over every minor infraction. Some churches may have such an intolerably authoritarian atmosphere of fear, but that’s not how knowledgeable Bible students know church should be. Forgiveness and forbearance of each other’s faults makes a church more joyful. But does that mean that we should never say anything? There is a legitimate time to speak and Jesus seems to indicate that when a sin is directed at us, personally, then we may cautiously act. In fact, Jesus recommends going to our brother alone over a personal offense. “If he hears you, you have gained your brother.”

Matthew 18:16 Escalation

Literal

In Matthew 18:16 we read that after talking to someone privately about a personal offense, “if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’” The principle of two or three witnesses is Jesus’ recognition a legal obligation in the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 17:6; Deuteronomy 19:15). This step escalates the situation way beyond a simple personal offense. The purpose of these extra friends or perhaps even people familiar with the situation is probably to convince a person of their fault, and even to witness their response of willingness or unwillingness to change.

Spiritual

What kinds of offenses deserve to be taken to the next level? Personal offenses may range from a simple misunderstanding to gross sins like being swindled or defamation of character. When Jesus said, “if he will not hear, take with you one or two more”, that is not encouragement to escalate every single dispute. This is a principle, not something to apply literally every single time someone disagrees with us. Mostly, we simply forgive and forget when our friends cannot understand what they have done. The offense is not worth taking any further. Most often we decide to agree to disagree and part as friends. We only escalate really bad situations.

Matthew 18:17 Tell it to the Church

Literal

Jesus explained the ultimate escalation of a dispute between two church members. This is the final stage of a three stage process in major disputes. 1) Go to them alone. 2) Take two or three witnesses. 3) “if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” So, we take the dispute to the community of believers. Here, there is yet no concept of individual congregations, nor a hierarchy of church elders. There is only a diverse group of disciples, a few, a dozen, a hundred, and rarely thousands.

Spiritual

What disputes would we call a church assembly to decide? What offenses would we escalate up through church hierarchy? Jesus concludes teaching about conflicts in Matthew 18:17 that “if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” What does that mean? Does it mean excommunication in some cases? Does it mean that we simply continue to welcome someone, while praying for the day that they repent? Does it mean a public realization that their conversion is perhaps not a reality? Should we shun such people or simply treat them as kindly as we do all our other non-Christian neighbors?

Matthew 18:18 Church Decisions

Literal

In Matthew 18:18 we read, “whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven [Footnote: will have been bound ... will have been loosed]”. In the context of handling disputes, this expands the promise given Peter (Matthew 16:19) to all the Apostles and by extension to the whole Christian community. The church community’s decision to excommunicate, absolve of guilt or simply forbear are inspired by heaven. The antecedent to this are the Poskim of Jewish tradition whose “binding and loosing” was Halakhah (written and oral law). Jesus often criticized their traditions. What Christian traditions are inspired by heaven?

Spiritual

Does Jesus’ statement to the Apostles in Matthew 18:18, “whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven...” mean that all formal or ex-cathedra dogmas are infallible? The Christian community is in remarkable consensus on Jesus’ teachings, but not in everything. Jesus’ instruction was in the context of dealing with serious personal offenses. When do offenses require a decision by the broader church? What issues are personally offensive to you? Are we quiet for the sake of peace or is our cause too important for peace? Each of us must pick our battles carefully. Should we also listen more carefully when the broader Christian community agrees on a matter?

Matthew 18:19-20 Two or Three

Literal

In Matthew 18:19-20 Jesus said that, “if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.” He also added that, “where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Does that mean that God is obligated to answer a prayer agreed to by at least two Christians? What if we have two Catholics, two Orthodox and two Protestants praying contradictory prayers? What does the context of Jesus’ remarks tell us? It’s talking about solving offenses in the church, and God’s blessing on the witnesses in such a dispute.

Spiritual

Matthew 18:19-20 is often misused to support exaggerated views of spiritual warfare, group prayer, or husbands and wives praying together. The difference between a mature and immature Christian church is not an absence of conflict, but how it is handled. Jesus gives us three broad principles of conflict resolution. Coupled with prayer for wisdom from heaven this can go along way to working through some very sticky interpersonal situations. It may not be a successful formula in situations outside the church, where prayer may not be a factor. However, among brothers and sisters who are anxious to live together in harmony, it can be very helpful in solving many conflicts.

Postlude

The spirit of these verses can apply to a wide variety of conflicts, from a simple personal offense to ecclesiastical decisions affecting the whole church. Not every private confrontation will produce a happy ending and not every ecclesiastical decision will have universal acceptance. However, we are called to live in peace with one another. Sometimes like Barnabas and Paul, like Catholics, Orthodox and Protestants, the reality is that we will separate for a time. But, our goal of eventual reconciliation remains.

Matthew 18:15-20; Acts 15:36-39; Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:2; Deuteronomy 17:6; Deuteronomy 19:15; Matthew 16:19

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Good News of Mandatory Forgiveness

Intro

How can we forgive big transgressions? America forgave Japan and Germany and helped rebuild them. What a wonderful example! But, how often should we forgive an enemy? What about our current enemies?

Purpose

I want us to explore the difficulty and necessity of forgiveness.

Plan

We will look at Matthew 18:21-35 and compare God’s forgiveness of our sins and the difficulty we have of forgiving others from the heart.

The Forgiveness Limit

After we confront someone caught up in gross sin what attitude ought we to have? How often must we forgive a habitual sin? Are we to be suckers? Jesus taught about forgiveness, but how often should we let ourselves be taken advantage of and subsequently forgive those who seem to make a habit of hurting us? That is essentially Peter's question in Matthew 18:21. Ancient Jewish teaching may have suggested with forgiveness, 3 strikes and you're out. So, Peter's suggestion of 7 times, may have seemed generous to him. A question in response to Peter might be, how often ought we imitate God's forgiveness? If the answer is only 7 times, then we are all in trouble. Jesus' answer is 70x7, a hyperbola for countless times. True generosity in forgiveness does not keep count. Christian forgiveness is given extravagantly.

Must we Forgive Terrorists

What debt to society does a terrorist responsible for thousands of deaths owe? Could we say that the only repayment that would satisfy us would be revenge? Matthew 18:21, 35 describes a forgiven man who was unable to forgive. Who do we find it hard to forgive — terrorists? What about abusive spouses? What about gang bangers, politicians, identity thieves, greedy company executives, church conferences and fellow church members? Are there any exceptions? Some crimes are so despicable that even the thought of forgiveness can make us angry. Yet, still Jesus does not flinch. He asks us to forgive our enemies and he dares to ask us to pray for them. However, forgiveness does not mean that we allow terrorists, abusers and criminals to continue. We must also show love to all by seeking to put a stop to such wrongdoing.

Forgiveness Despite the Pain

Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things in life to do, yet it is a requirement of the Christian life (Matthew 18:22). It is a decision, but it is not an easy one. With forgiveness comes all kinds of deep personal pain. We want justice, but when it comes to our own wrongs we want mercy. Offenses and great injustices happen inside and outside of the church. Many times forgiveness comes hard. Do we look to blame the perpetrators or ourselves for allowing it? It’s the past and we can’t go back. We do have a choice though. We can live lives of bitterness and resentment or choose forgiveness despite the pain. It’s easy to harbor a grudge for life, but the consequences are hard. It’s hard to forgive from the heart, but the consequences are renewed life.

Forgiving when the Line is Crossed

“I’ll forgive you this time but...” Fill in the blank. We each draw an imaginary line in the sand beyond which forgiveness is not available. In Matthew 18:22 Jesus challenged that kind of thinking after Peter suggested a very generous line in the sand, seven times. Perhaps he had thought if Jesus said go the extra mile that may also apply to forgiveness, twice only. But perhaps he rethought that and asked Jesus about seven times, a number we could easily keep track of. But, who could keep track of seventy seven or four hundred and ninety times? No matter the translation, it is a number that is normally not as easily tracked. If we would be so pedantic as to track the number of times we gave someone forgiveness, then perhaps we have not really forgiven at all.

What Stopped Viking Terrorism

The Vikings terrorized Europe for 300 years, but that is all forgiven and few hold a grudge against the Nordic peoples today. What brought the Viking Age to an end was their conversion to Christianity. It is hard to imagine people from some of the world’s most liberal democracies having been once terrorists. We are faced with a new terrorist threat today and we all pray that it does not last 300 years. How long would we harbor grudges against those who perform such ghastly deeds, a lifetime, two lifetimes? In Matthew 18:22 Jesus seemed to indicate that we ought to harbor no grudges, but forgive over and over again. That is a very hard thing to do. Elsewhere, he asked us to pray for our enemies. Perhaps we can pray that like the Vikings they too become Christians.

Effect of Being Forgiven

A business executive lost about 5,000 lifetimes worth of income. He was a trusted slave (Matthew 18:22-28). He was forgiven by his king. The king not only had compassion on him, but forgave an astronomical debt. The slave then confronted a fellow who owed him only the equivalent of a few month's wages by comparison. The recently forgiven slave, whose debt had been 600,000 times greater, became violent and threw his fellow slave into prison. The king was so incensed at this lack of mercy, that he jailed him and handed him over to those who would torture him. Torture was not allowed under Jewish law, but Roman prison guards were well known for it. Hell will be torture. God will not tolerate anything less than forgiveness. The effect of being forgiven ought to be forgiving others.

Forgive before an Apology

Should we only forgive those who apologize? It seems that Jesus’ prayer on the cross contradicted that kind of thinking. He prayed, Father forgive them, they don’t know what they’re doing. In Matthew 18:33 Jesus spoke about an atmosphere in the church of mercy. Imagine an atmosphere where forgiveness was not so readily given out, or you sensed that every mistake was being cataloged and critiqued. Perhaps you sense that you are not forgiven for some mistake that you may even be unaware of. An atmosphere like that would be a church killer. Would we find excuses why we could not attend anymore? Forgiveness before repentance, simply because none of us really knows what we are doing, is a hallmark of a church which follows Jesus. A church with an atmosphere of forgiveness is a wonderful place to be.

Forgiveness Every Day

How many people do we have to forgive? Do we need to forgive the church? What about church leaders creating new Talmuds and binding heavy burdens on us like the Pharisees which Jesus criticized? We cannot say that legalism is exclusively a Jewish problem. It is a human one. Grace is risky. Legalism is the normal human way. What about politicians? They are easier to forgive. All we have to do is realize that no human is capable of solving human problems. What about the jerk on the freeway, who cuts you off and threatens your life with a deadly weapon because you dare to obey the law? Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing. Forgiveness is needed every day and in every place. And the hardest thing of all is forgiving from the heart (Matthew 18:35).

Forgiveness makes a Church

Some people are loners because they refuse to forgive. A healthy local church is an ideal place for anyone to heal and begin to learn to love again. Notice I did not say "trust again." The Bible teaches us that it is foolish to trust any human being, even ourselves. We must learn to trust the only one who is completely trustworthy, God. What we need to learn in community life is forgiveness. In Matthew 18:22-35 Jesus gave one of the most memorable parables regarding forgiveness. A servant who owed a sum as large as several million in today’s money would not forgive the debt of someone who owed only a few hundred. How wonderful it is when we are in a group of Christians and forgiveness is there. Human trustworthiness is an unrealistic expectation. Forgiveness makes a church.

Forgiveness a Rare Gift

In Matthew 18:35 Jesus spoke of a rare gift. It is a gift we give others and ourselves. It is the gift of forgiveness. It is hard to find this gift. Most people hold unhealthy grudges and refuse to let them go. We carefully keep resentments of hurts against all kinds of people as one would preserve a precious treasure. Yet that treasure is a stinking carcass. We not only preserve this corpse, but we bow down to caress it with our words as we remember the past. The dead carcass is our egos and hurt feelings and we refuse to let go of them. Instead of forgiving and getting over it, we imprison ourselves in bitterness and inward anger. Jesus said to forgive from the heart, because only by doing so will our hearts experience freedom and healing.

The Difference

Christianity is a very different religion. There are religions where a person must go through endless lives of good deeds to eventually reach heaven. There are religions that teach their followers not to forgive but to kill and terrorize. No religion offers a free pardon for our misdeeds like Christianity. Forgiveness is a surprise to those who believe that we must earn our way into God’s favor. Forgiveness is completely undeserved. It is given because of love. It is given freely though we sin seventy times seven and to those who also forgive. We are not Christians because we wear a badge saying so, or because we go to church weekly. We are Christians because we participate in God’s kingdom of forgiveness and we are learning to be like Jesus and forgiving (Matthew 18:35). It starts in the heart.

Outro

Ever had a free pass? Heaven's forgiveness is like a free pass, but with a difference. Heaven expects us to pass the free pass along to those who sin against us. We forgive even our worst enemies, not naively allowing them to continue to hurt others, and not because we are stupid, but because we are forgiven.